Hey guys...how's it going? Hope everything is well with you. I, on the other hand, have entered hibernation mode and refuse to go outside unless it's absolutely necessary. I hate winter. It's like I told the clerk at the gas station today: "It's pretty to look at until you have to go out in it." She thought it was funny. I was being serious. Snow= evil. One good thing about my outing today was that I got to get some french vanilla cappuccino mmmmmm. I love that stuff. I can't feel my toes and I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing. Anyway..the main reason for the update was to let everyone know that after 3 long months I finally updated Aberrance. You can thank Dir en grey for the update, since it's because of them that I got the inspiration I desperately needed to finish it. I went and saw them on the 18th and it was amazing..but that's for another post :)

It's something I already chase

I hope you guys like it. Just a warning, it's quite long. I've already started working on Chapter 22. The plan is to have that up...sooner than I did 21 XD I don't like to tell you guys I'll have something up at a certain time because if for some unknown reason I don't, I feel like I've let all the readers down and then I feel like an asshole lol.

I feel like I'm gaining weight again and it's pissing me off. I was doing so good and now I just feel like a fat blob >_< And since it's winter, I can't go for walks anymore. My treadmill is broken and a membership to the walking track at the high school is ridiculously expensive...especially when I'd only be using it a few months out of every year. I'm just going to try harder to fit exercising in because not only is it good for me, but I just feel more confident when I do it.

Well kiddies, I need to be off. Lots of stuff to do today. Take care!

I hadn't realized that it's been so long since I posted anything here. Life is pretty crazy right now and work is trying to kill me. It's only going to get more hectic from here on out too.

I'm ashamed to say that I've neglected my writing a bit in all the chaos. But that doesn't stop the ideas for potential stories from flowing out of me like water. I've got quite a few brainstorms in my little notebook and I'm hoping they will all eventually come to fruition. Aberrance is coming along slowly but surely. Chapter 21 is going to be a pretty pivotal chapter so I want to make sure it lives up to my expectations for what I want the readers to take away from it. That being said, I'm hoping to have it finished up and posted for everyone soon but at the same time I'm not making any promises. Though it is my number one priority I have to finish up some other projects first so I can give it my undivided attention. Be on the lookout for my one shot featuring Gackt and Die...its the cliche vampire tale that hopefully won't be so cliche. It's my passion to try things that haven't been done before, as I so hate repetition, so I'm hoping it turns out well. It's one of my stories that hasn't left me alone for quite some time, so I've been slowly adding to it and perfecting it. I'm also working on a story about Toshiya, that will be written in first person, which is something I've never attempted before. I'm looking forward to the challenge. I don't want to divulge too much about it yet, as it is still in its early stages. There's plenty more but I think I've rambled enough about it all for now! :) Oh...one more thing..the vampire story I'm writing about Kaoru and Die..I have the titles narrowed down to two choices: Porphyria Cutanea Tarda or Immortalis.

I'm going to see Dir en grey in 3 days!!! WOOHOO!! I'm so excited :D I have to drive to Michigan to see them so I'm hoping the weather is decent. The venue used to be a church but they turned it into a nightclub so that should be interesting to see lol. I looked at some pictures of it from their website and it looks pretty swanky. Maybe seeing them live and in person will give me some inspiration to finish the latest chapter of Aberrance..or hell, maybe even the whole story! (Don't hold your breath for that one guys! hehe)

I'm getting antsy sitting here and I need to get started on my laundry anyway. Hope you enjoyed my little update. Take care everyone!

{{I cannot leave here. I cannot stay. Forever haunted, more than afraid. Asphyxiate on words I would say. I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue. There are no flowers, no, not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile but I'm too weak. I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me. I cannot stay here. I cannot leave. Just like all I loved, I'm make-believe. Imagined heart, I disappear. Seems no one will appear here and make me real. There are no flowers, no, not this time. There are no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile but I'm too weak. I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me. I'd tell you how it haunts me. Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams. You don't care that it haunts me. There are no flowers, no, not this time. There are no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find. I'd show a smile but I'm too weak. I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me...just how much this hurts me...just how much you...}}

I don't know exactly how long I've been feeling this way. I just want it to stop. I feel like I'm stuck in a revolving door with a torrent of thoughts and emotions that I can't really explain. Suddenly I'm thrust out into the open for much needed air only to be sucked back in again. I'm drowning within myself. How fucked up is that?

Erika and I went to see Sweeney Todd on Friday. Despite all the reviews I've seen that all basically say it's crap, I really liked it. Then we ate dinner at Rockne's. I had fun. I need to go out more lol.


I've got so many different ideas for stories buzzing in my skull that my brain just might implode. I always say I want to finish the ones that are already in progress before I start more...but the more I think about it, the more I think I should just write whatever is on my mind at the time so I can get it down on paper before it escapes me. I think there might be another yaoi story in the works for me. As much as I hate to add to the abundance already out there, the idea won't leave me alone. I'm just trying to decide who I want to use. The pairing that came to me initially was DiexKaoru but I'm already planning on writing a story with them (not necessarily yaoi..I haven't decided yet) and I kind of blame that on the amazing stories I've read lately featuring those two. There's another idea bugging me too...nothing really solid yet on that one though. Just kind of an inspiration to write a story based off of something I heard. I'll figure it out eventually I'm sure. Sam...if you're reading..no I haven't forgotten about your one shot. I've been kinda working on it here and there lol.

There was something else but I got distracted writing a snippet from one of the aforementioned stories and so now I have no idea what I was going to say. OH! Taste of Chaos. I will go..somehow..someway..preferably with Lina. But we shall see. And now I'm leaving because I have developed a killer headache...maybe my brain really will implode...

Goodnight everyone. Merry Christmas!

My face is a massive explosion of zits right now. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating...but I don't normally break out unless its close to that time of the month...and even then it's only a couple. No no...not this time. I was trying to figure out why and I mentioned it to my grandpa and he said I've been drinking a lot of pop lately and eating more chocolate than I usually do. I really have. I went through a period of during the summer where I rarely, if ever, drank pop. I mostly drank water. I felt a lot better then too. Now I'm tired a lot and just feel very blah. I tried to blame that on winter depression setting in, and maybe part of it is that because I hate winter and snow...but I also think it's because of the way I've been eating and my lack of exercise because it's been shitty out. When the weather was nice I walked almost every day at least once and I felt a hell of a lot better than I do now. I had more energy..just everything seemed better. Now that the weather is shitty I can't go walking outside anymore, and even if my treadmill was working, I doubt I'd walk on it because it's just not very fun for me. I'd rather be outside where I can take in nature and enjoy it while I'm doing something good for myself. I could get a membership at the high school's track but it's not really that cheap and I'd only be using it during the winter months so it wouldn't really be worth it in my opinion. Since last year or so, I've lost like 60 pounds. I feel so much better and I know the person that I was then wasn't really me. I could still stand to lose more, but like they say Rome wasn't built in a day. I just have to put my mind to it and stick with it if I want to reach my goal. And I do. So as of right now, no more pop and no more chocolate...or at least very limited quantities of both. It's not like I can't live without the stuff ( I know people who swear that they can't..which I don't understand but whatever). I think a lot of it is just eating because I'm bored and I can't get outside to do stuff because of the weather. Also, I have to try and eat something in the morning. I'm not a breakfast person so I usually just have a couple cups of coffee and head to work and I've only been eating one meal a day. So I really need to work on that heh.

Ok so for some unknown reason, everytime my grandpa is flipping through the channels he stops on that Playboy show and will sit there and watch it. Anyway, I happened to be on my way back to my room and as I was walking past the living room, I look up and see the one chick on there talking about how she's going to take etiquette classes because she's not lady like enough or something. Then it shows random clips of her burping or using the word fuck in all of its forms profusely and I just started laughing my ass off and sat down because I just had to see how that went for her. So these 2 ladies come to the mansion and she meets them and she tells them about her "cursing problem" and the one lady tells her that everytime she catches herself saying a bad word that she should pinch herself. The entire time I'm thinking to myself that if I did that I would sufficiently be black and blue all over my body. The word fuck is a staple in my vocabulary lol. I didn't finish watching it so I'm not sure how her etiquette classes went but from what I saw before I doubt they went well.

I've been working on Aberrance too. Don't worry you guys aren't going to have to wait another 2 months for me to update again *sheepish grin* It's actually more than half done...I'm going to try and work on it some tonight and see what I can come up with. Hopefully I can get it finished and posted soon. Wish me luck!

SWEENEY TODD COMES OUT FRIDAY!!!! *bounces in her chair like a lunatic* I have been waiting since like October when I first heard about this movie for it to come out! ALAN RICKMAN IF YOU'RE READING THIS I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABIES! *ahem* sorry...serious fangirl moment there. I can't help it...I've been in love with the guy since I was like 12.

I think that's about all for now. I need to go dry and straighten my hair and other boring stuff...like laundry. Bleh. Later everybody!

P.S.- I would be so mortified if Alan Rickman really did see this.

I've decided I'm going to be a pirate for Halloween this year. The only things I still need for my costume are an eye patch and some type of scarf for over my head.I'm going over to a friends house to pass out candy and then we're going to order pizza and watch scary movies. This ought to be entertaining. lol. I'm pretty excited about it!


Today, Erika and I went to Mansfield and went to Gabriel Brothers. It's times like these I'm really pissed I'm not like a size 2. They had awesome clothes from Hot Topic there for cheaaaapppp! I was like damnit all! But that's ok because I did end up finding an Inuyasha hoodie and I got really fucking excited about that cuz I'm a nerd. It was only 10 bucks! It's light blue and has a drawing of Inuyasha on the back in red and has the characters for Inuyasha written on the front in white and red and then says Inuyasha in English in red below it. I also got another hoodie for 10 bucks..its navy blue and has a skull inside a horshoe surrounded by flames and some dice and says "Feelin Lucky" on it. I wanted a Quicksilver hoodie but they were 20 bucks..which still isn't bad but I didn't want to spend all my money in that store since we had other places to go too. After we spent an insanely long time in there we finally left and went to Chipotle for lunch. It's been soooo long since I ate there and it was damn good...and I think I got Erika addicted hehe. Then we went to the mall. We went in Hot Topic and I got 2 Purple Sky magazines and was pleasantly surprised to find a whole Dir en grey section in the back from when they performed in New York. There's a very nice pinup of Kyo being all sexy and half naked on stage so I'm pretty happy about that XD After we wandered around the mall for awhile we got sleepy and came home. lol

Chapter 14 is coming along well. I'm sleepy though so I might have to quit working on it soon and take it up again tomorrow. I'm not sure that this will be a very long chapter. But we'll see.

First off...I tried posting yesterday but it wasn't cooperating. LJ cuts and I have a very love/hate relationship. Needless to say it didn't work. I know some of you don't check AFF.net religiously to see if I've updated or posted anything new so I thought I would start posting some of my one-shots and shorter works here instead of telling everyone to go to that site to read them. But that didn't work out as planned so I'll just post the link to the story here instead.

Sous La Lune d'Octobre

Next order of business: as I've told some of you I've got an idea for a new story. I don't want to say much about it right now, only that it will be a vampire story, with Kaoru and Die as the main characters. Sometimes my friends request to be in my stories and most of the time I'll go ahead and do it but as of right now I'd like to keep it strictly J-rockers with no original characters. This is just as of right now, I'm prone to changing my mind or getting some crazy idea in my head that makes me do complete 360s sometimes...but if anything changes in that respect I'll be sure to let you all know. ^_^ I need some help coming up with a title. I've got a list of working titles now and I'd like to share them with you and get some feedback on what you guys think it should be called.

1. Cut Up Angels
2. Porphyria Cutanea Tarda. The reasoning behind this choice can be found by reading the lyrics to this song
3. Silver and Cold
4. Blood Princes
5. No Life King
6. Midnight Sun
7. Nightside of Eden
8. Deadly Nightshade
9. Immortalis. Once again, title was inspired by lyrics from this song

If I could even narrow it down to a couple that would be extremely helpful. Also...Die and Kaoru are going to have younger brothers in the story. Kaoru's brother is going to be Aoi from the GazettE and Kaoru will have "given him the dark gift" as it were, but I need someone for Die's brother and can't really come up with anyone. Die refuses to bring his brother into the vampiric life. I'm pretty much open to anyone so long as it's someone I can envision in the role. lol..I'm not picky or anything ^_^ Bands that I know will have at least one member in the story as of right now are: D'espairsRay, the Gazette, and alice nine, possibly Sadie too but I'm still fighting with myself over that lol. I'm also open to soloists.(sp?) Your feedback is appreciated!

Now...onto what I know everyone is dying to know. Yes I've started work on chapter 14 of Aberrance. Not much, but I have started. With all the one shots I've been writing and all the ideas that keep plaguing my brain I haven't had the energy to focus on it. It's my baby and I want to make sure everything is up to my standards (which are quite high where its concerned) so I don't end up churning out some crap chapter that I'll hate.

I think that's about all for now..I need to go eat some lunch. Ja ne!

So today Liz and I were scheduled to work at the ass crack of fuck. We get in there and start setting the ad merchandise..our manager told us to worry about signing them later so we moved on to do the rest of it. Mind you he told us basically where to put everything and had most of it set up for us so we just filled it in. So when we finally take a break after like 3 1/2 hours we get back in there and he has all these carts lined up for us to do with random shit on them. He then proceeds to tell Liz to let him know when we get done with that..by this time we only have like an hour left but she didn't bother saying anything to him..figuring since he makes out the schedule that he should be aware when people leave and what not. So we get to the last cart...stationary items. Most of it we went through pretty quickly but when we got to the last 4 boxes..we looked in them and it was just like "what the fuck are we supposed to do with all this shit?" It was a bunch of different little types of items..none of which was sorted. We maanged to finish all of it but 2 boxes so we took them to the back and got our stuff and got ready to leave. As we're walking up front who comes on the fucking intercom paging us to come put up our ad signs? The fucking manager. I was like "oh hell no" So we get up there and Liz tells him we were only scheduled til 11. Then since he's a bipolar jackass he gets all pissed off at us and basically tells us he can't believe we clocked out without asking his permission. Excuse me motherfucker? Since when did we start doing that? I'm sorry but if you schedule me a certain amount of time I'm leaving at that godamn time whether you fucking like it or not..I'm sure as hell not coming to ask your fucking permission first either. So anyway..he proceeds to be a fucking prick and we leave..and Liz had my knife in her pocket cuz he had hers..and I asked her if she still had my knife and shes like "yeah and he fuckin has mine and I'm not leaving without it" so she goes back in to get her knife. She comes back out and was like "Yeah he was definately talking shit about us to Dan when I went back in there" MOTHERFUCKER PLEASE. How old are we? I graduated high school a long fucking time ago and since you're older than me I'm sure you did too. I just cannot believe the audacity of some fucking people. We work over, we work on our days off, we rarely call off..and you wanna talk shit about us? What the fuck ever. Liz said if he's working in the morning we should just be like "See ya asshole. We're gonna leave now before we have the chance to do something wrong" She's got a point too. Hopefully it will be Michelle or Patsy in the morning instead of him.

That's it for now I guess. I'm gonna eat some lunch and work on my story. I'm hoping to have it posted sometime today.

Sayonara.

I finally caught a cold. Funny that just the other day I was thinking how lucky I've been in not catching one then BAM! I wake up with a sore throat. I was not pleased. After I got home from work the other day I slept most of the day and a lot of that night too. I woke up this morning feeling better, my fever gone as was the sore throat but now I have all this damn head congestion. It pisses me off. It's not so bad that I can't breathe or anything, which is usually what it's like when I catch a cold..but it's noticable enough to be annoying. I had planned on sleeping most of today too since I had the day off from work but apparently my body was tired of laying in bed cuz once I got up this morning I haven't been back to bed since. I'll probably just go to bed early tonight since I have to work in the morning. I'm hoping that it will continue to get better instead of deciding to get worse once I go to work and actually have to move at a brisk pace. Tomorrow we're supposed to do the register run through with the manager since we go live on Wednesday and I'm not looking forward to that. I don't do well with people being over my shoulder while I'm trying to do something and if that's how it's going to be then I'm going to screw up a lot. But that's ok cuz my friend Liz said that's how she is too and we'll probably be doing it right after each other but maybe it won't be so bad..who knows. Maybe we can talk Jeff into letting us do the practice run through together instead of one on one with him...I doubt it..but it's worth a shot right? :)

So...being sick I figure I'm allowed to indulge myself a little basically because I feel like shit. Well I decided I was craving ice cream so I get in the car and head to the store. On the way guess what I saw? There was this guy and girl (obviously boyfriend and girlfriend as they were being all mushy and holding hands and basically giving me the urge to hurl..lovely right?) Anyway..they were standing there getting ready to cross the street and I looked down and happened to notice that dude has no fucking shoes on. He's wearing socks but no shoes..and I was like "What the fuckity fuck? Ok maybe I'm just imagining that..it could be the cold medicine fucking with me" so I close my eyes and open them again..nope he's definately not wearing shoes..and he's just walking down the street like it's the most normal thing in the world to walk around in your socks. And then I noticed his g/f was like walking sideways or some shit...I was just like um....and then I turned and went to the store and proceeded to get my ice cream. It was just weird. But my ice cream was really good..so I guess I can get past the weirdness.

I actually got some writing done today too. I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to do shit with it since I'm not feeling well. A strange thing that happened...ok it's not really strange to me but I'm sure you guys will read this and be like wtf..anyway I just watched this interview with Kao and Die from the Mera Luna festival they played at and Kao was obviously congested cuz his voice sounded all nasal-ly and weird like he had a cold..well not long after I watched that interview I had this surge of creativity and managed to churn out like 2-3 pages on my story (which I considered to be quite a feat since I wasn't getting things out so smoothly before). Back to my original point..Kao had a cold and then I caught one not too long after I wrote..coincidence? I think not XD

*ahem* In other news...Mao is hot. And before anyone asks, no I don't think he's hot because he "looks like Kyo." In all honesty, I don't think he does. He's his own person. Can someone answer me this: Does he have his neck pierced or something? It looks like a barbell going through the bottom of his neck there..I saw that and I'm all wtf. Ok that's it..I've rambled enough..time to get back to writing. *rubs hands together*

Last night I fought a lot with myself over the way my chapter is coming along. I was getting really frustrated because it was taking so long to come up with anything. It was seriously starting to piss me off. The thing was, and I still haven't decided if this is good or bad, I felt compelled to write even though nothing was coming to me. Even while I was trying to watch the season premiere of Bones my mind was constantly on my story. It was quite aggravating because I love Bones. I didn't even bother trying to watch House MD even though I had planned to watch both shows. Bleh. Things seem to be going better this morning though. I've been working on it and the words seem to flow more freely. I hate forcing my writing and that's kind of what it's felt like with this chapter up until recently. I really believe it's because my muses are polar opposites. Kaoru is controlled where Kyo is more spontaneous. My most random ideas always come from Kyo and then they pour out of me and by the time I'm finished writing it's like "wow where the hell did all that come from?" Some of the best things that I didn't even plan happening in this story are a result of KyoMuse. This chapter, as I think I mentioned in my last entry, doesn't have a lot of Kyo in it. In fact, he only has one line in the very beginning of the chapter. I've made my peace with the fact that this chapter is going to be different from the others and it's going to take longer to write because Kaoru refuses to be rushed. I just hope everyone enjoys the end result.

Why does everyone have to have birthdays so close together? This week alone there's 3 birthdays: Glenn, Sammy-chan, and Tomo. Then next week is Erika's and the week after that is Melissa's. I'm like Jesus tittyfucking Christ people! lol I'm a little disappointed with myself that I didn't plan it better because now Sam's present is going to be late and the other thing I wanted to do for her isn't going to be finished on time either. Damn it all to hell! Oh well...life isn't perfect right? :)

I have to work 1:30 to 7:30 today. I want to know why the hell the damn truck can't get to the store at the same time every week. One time it will be there at 8 then the next week it will be 2 o'fucking clock. RAWR. It's only coming from Columbus so what's the big fucking deal! I need a new job...seriously.

I'm hungry. I need to find food. Later!